Freedom?

Ten days off from school. It's been good and bad. The good: I've had time for R&R, went out to visit my friend on the outskirts of the oblast (and country), got to talk with the NY Times person, and in general just have a less stressful environment. The bad: halfway through my break PC put in effect a security measure where no volunteers could leave site (lasted a couple days, situation over now), and my host family is either shunning me or just treating me like I'm some sort of weirdo who shouldn't be here.

Yesterday (the 28th) I finally took the initiative to go out to the surrounding landscape, or, as it would be put in Kyrgyz, I went on an 'excursion.' I basically went up to the foot of the mountains that neighbor Kazakhstan to the north, which took about 2 1/2 hours one-way. It was a nice day, albeit windy (standing on top of hills doesn't help that) but it was very worthwhile and refreshing. Being cooped up in the village and doing/not doing all sorts of things, it acted as a sort of getaway. Spring is pretty much here now, so I got to see some green hills with the beginnings of flowers blossoming, in addition to the standard sheep grazing. I didn't have a clear path when I first set out, so I just looked for a spot I was interested in getting to and headed toward it. Climbing about a half dozen hills or so, I realized quite quickly that I could do with a bit more exercise. My target, a non-hill yet non-mountain penninsula-type jutting, was pretty high up and took me a bit of energy and determination to scale. Once on top, I saw that the landing (right before the mountain-mountains) I wanted to get to lay along a rather narrow path with steep drops on both sides. Part of me wanted to turn back, but after resting for a couple minutes my gut and gumption took me out to the ledge. I was pretty darn scared, primarily because of the way I saw the ground way down below was moving out of my periphirals. But taking it slowly and sticking to the middle, I got out to where I wanted to go. It was beautiful. I took several pictures and a video (unfortunately videos are huge, unless I can get one of the tech-savvy volunteers to help compress it I'll have to hold it until reaching home before sharing). The way back was no less scary; I picked a purple flower which was growing by its lonesome on the narrow path as a momento. Upon climbing down, I learned the meaning of being scared sh... well, lets just say, it's a good thing I brought some TP.

My nighttime woes have continued this past week. Strange dreams, sometimes nightmares, have been invading my slumber. I think it's a sign of stress -- I know I'm concerned with my health in regard to this all. Last night, after my trek to the mountains, things calmed down a bit in my sleep. I remember having a dream and that it was mild, but details and harshnesses aren't there like with my previous dreams. I think the exercise has something to do with it.
The host family. Sometimes I just don't know what to think. Throughout this break, they seem to be on my case. What about? Why, my personality. "How can you sit in your room and read books, or use your computer??" they ask. The biggest hit, though, is their newly consistent "You're so quiet" ploy. It seems like quiet people are scum. How come I'm not out in the street dancing and frolicking and throwing fire-crackers and sitting in baike rings drinking vodka? Heh. "You don't have friends here." No kidding! And while I'm in my room trying to type up requests for books and project proposal drafts, you're out sweeping the yard, cutting down the one tree we have, and picking weeds, yet I'm the one that's lazy and doing nothing. Oh tangible results, why must you garner all the glory. Or is it just that I'm not performing manual labor -- perhaps anything different just isn't real work, or meaningful/useful. Not that I haven't done my fair share either, be it here or in the States... Oi. I find myself longing for independence -- after searching so long for it back home, I sort of chose the wrong post-college work and the wrong country for that goal.

Also recently found out about ticket prices to Istanbul. With what I get as a volunteer, I won't be able to save up for a trip this summer (roundtrip tickets cost $660). It looks like I'll be sticking to in-country for my time of service, especially since my last summer here (in 2010) I won't be able to travel due to PC policy requiring volunteers to remain in country during their last 3 months of service. Since I'm supposed to be working when my school is open, that really only leaves this coming summer for vacation possibilities. Oi, being a teacher-brand volunteer certainly hasn't helped me find ways to relax or relieve stress.